Mchongoano

Once upon a time.....

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven , God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired of God. "Where have you been?" God took a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made!"

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued pointing to different countries.
"This one will be extremely hot while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land in the eastern part of Africa and said, "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Kenya the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful beaches, mountains, streams, hills, and water falls.
The people from Kenya are going to be very handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world holding good jobs. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace and go to the Olympics." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!!!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the clowns that will run their government."

Mourinho taunts Chelsea: I�ll be back with another Premiership team and win here

Inter Milan boss Jose Mourinho says he's not ready to end his haunting of Chelsea after last night's Champions League triumph. The Special One paid tribute to his old club, but then fired a warning at his former employers. Mourinho said of Chelsea: "This is a team that lost a semi-final with a goal that was not a goal, lost a semi-final on penalties, lost a final on penalties, lost a semi-final in a game they should win 3-0 with three penalties. This is the history of this club and these players. It is a history of frustration. "Tonight, they felt immediately that Inter were the best team and this brings frustration to great players. These are my players, my people but today I was the enemy and the enemy won. "I celebrated a lot in the dressing room. It was a big victory for my team. I love Chelsea, I love this stadium, I love these people but I am a professional. "Who knows, in the future I may coach another English team and I will come here again as an opponent."

radio presenters

i hate radio presenters who whenever they're playing a good song, they tend to disrupt it. e.g a song which has been hiting in the market instead of playing the song from the begining to the end, they interupt it. i really hate this. especially stations in nairobi wacheni wivu you can either play the song or just dont.......................

mchongoano

nyinyi ni wengi hadi mtoi wa chucha anaitwa etc
phone yako ni mzee ikianguka inamwaga credit
nyanya yako ni mzee mpaka ile tyme god alisema let there be light yeye ndio aliwasha
siz yako amebit ile day alizaliwa mbuyu wako alisema..... i wish ningetumia cd

Rockaholic.

=> Just had too much sukumawiki, am'a call it greenday. => And ma comps just had another virus attack, ama call it system of a down. => And why is it everyone's talking nonsense? Guess all am hearing is Eva (non) sense. => Gonna buy my ex a bombshell gift, guess what, it's bullets for my valentine. => Wat's with everyone in this city? Guess I'll call it crazy town. => Seems like I'll be at home all weekend, that's a simple plan. => Am so starved again right now... might soon suffer Ma Rasmus, ooh! and from where I am, the fridge's 3 doors down. => Out for a drink but left hurriedly...Reason? Whoo (the) bar stunk. (Hoobastank). => Found little deedee out playing Googoo dolls with her friends. => Heard about sailors on Somali Waters?... Said they had been maroon 5'ved by the killers. => Rumors about a minister denied visa to U.S? Learnt that he's an All American Reject.

Hero and the Media

A Kyuk is passing the game zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The kyuk jumps off his bike, runs to the cage, and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl, and the kyuk brings her back to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A standard reporter has watched the whole thing. The reporter says to the kyuk, "Sir, that's the most gallant and brave thing I ever saw a man do in my whole life."

The kyuk replies, "Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt I had to."

The reporter says, "Well, I'm from the ea standard, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living, and, just out of my own curiousity, what political affiliation do you have?"

The kyuk replies, "I'm a GSU paramilitary from central provine and I'm PNU supporter ."

The following morning, the kyuk buys The EA standard to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads on the front page:

GSU PARAMILITARY ASSAULTS ONE OF KENYA'S ENDANGERED SPECIES UNDERCONSERVATION AND STEALS HIS LUNCH.

Trained Parrot

There was a little old lady who was nearly blind, and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best to her. Son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion, thinking this would surely be the best that any of them could offer her. Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included, thinking this would surely win her approval. Son #3 had to do something even better, so he bought her a parrot that he had been training for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could ask the parrot any verse in the Bible, and he could quote it word for word. What a gift that would be. Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous, but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's too large to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway." Then she confronted her second son with, "Son, the car is beautiful. It has everything you could ever wan! t on it, but I don't drive and really don't like the chauffeur, so please return the car." Next, she went to Son #3 and said, "Son, I just want to thank you for your most thoughtful gift. That chicken was delicious."

Do not laugh

In U.S. they invented a machine that catches thieves; they took it out to different countries for a test.

In U.S.A, in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves;
UK, in 30 minutes it caught 500 thieves;
Spain, in 20 minutes it caught 25 thieves;
Ghana, in 10 minutes it caught 6000 thieves;
Kiambu, in 5 minutes the machine was stolen!

Whats love

Try these definitions;

1.Love is a state of perpetual anaesthesia.

2.Love is a grave mental disease.

3.Love is a fiend,a fire,a heaven,a hell,where pleasure,pain and sad repentance dwell.

How about these;

4.Love is a folly of the mind,an unquenchable fire,a hunger without surfeit,a sweet delight,a pleasing madness,a labour without repose,and a repose without labour.

5.Love is a feeling you feel when you feel you are going to get a feeling you never felt before.

5.Love is when two people are under the influence of the most violent,most insane,most delusive,and most transient of passions and they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited,abnormal,exhausting condition continously until death parts them.

love is a madness,if you are in love you are definately mad!!!!!

Applied Mathematics!

The population of this country is 33 million.
12 million are retired.
That leaves 21 million to do the work.
There are 8 million in school,
which leave 13 million to do the work.
Of this there are 5 million employed by the federal government.
This leaves 8 million to do the work.
1 million are in the Armed Forces,
which leaves 7 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 6.8 million people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.
There are 188,000 in hospitals,
so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons.
That leaves Just two people to do the work. You and me.
And you're just sitting there reading jokes all day!